That’s right ladies and little boys. The Slade-Master has been asking us… begging us… bribing us other Adrenaline members to get on here and start writing blogs so now he gets it. Now he has unleashed the furry that is the blogging style of Russell-P, or as I like to be called now, Russell-Pee. So for today’s little blog adventure I am going to tell you guys about the story of my morning shower.
So this morning I woke up like I always do, you know how that is. I wake up and I kick the 15 hot Asian supermodels out of my bed , wade through all the $100 bills that are sprawled out on my floor, give the midget in the corner his midget treat for the morning and head into my bathroom.
For those who don’t know me, I am pretty much blind when I don’t have my contacts in. So I was standing there taking my morning pee like I always do, when I happened to glance over in my bathtub and see this little brown spot. I stood there for a second looking over at it trying to figure out what it was.
Well I put my glasses on to see what the spot was when to my surprise it turned out to be a cockroach. Now I am not saying I am the toughest guy in the world , but there are not a lot of animals that scare me.
For instance I, am not afraid to run with the bulls in Pamplona, SCUBA dive with sharks in the Caribbean, run through the Sahara chasing lions, or partake in a festival in India where snakes are worshiped, but when it comes to cockroaches , that is where I draw the line.
There is just something about those little bastards that freak me out. I think it has to do with the way they just sit there and wiggle there little antennas at you like they are waving. Well I figure I had to do something about this guy sense I needed to get in and take a shower and he was currently blocking me from doing this. I figured I would just turn the shower on and try to wash him down the drain. Wrong!! This little cockroach must have been the Arnold Schwarzenegger of cockroaches. I hit him with a full blast of water and all he did was sit there and laugh at me.
I then decided to move on to plan number two. I then took my pair of boxers that where laying in the floor from my drunken party with the Asian supermodels the night before and started swatting at him to knock him down the drain. I thought this plan was going to work until he decided to jump on my boxers and start climbing up to my hand. This freaked me the hell out and I threw my boxers in the tub.
So now there is this little cockroach sitting on my boxers like they are an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and he is Tom Hanks from Castaway. I then grabbed another pair of my boxer shorts, I don’t tend to put my laundry away, I kind of just throw it on the floor, and took a few more swings at him with them. It finally worked and he got knocked down towards the drain.
Of course this little bastard had to be bigger then the drain so he just kind of flopped around the drain area of the tub. I then had a thought. (Side Note: I don’t usually have these but when I do, they tend to be pretty good) What’s the best way to strike at your enemies? You make them your friend.
I then grabbed this coat hanger and extended it out to the little cockroach like David Hasselhof in Baywatch trying to save a hot little blond chick. Of course the cockroach feel for this and latched on. That’s when I took the coat hanger to the toilet and knocked that little bastard in and flushed it.
Once again Russell-P’s bathroom is safe from all foreign invaders. Let that teach a lesson to all those little cockroaches who might have seen this battle… you will not survive when you come in to my house.
